Toxic Positivity: A Barrier to Growth and Understanding
-‘I really think we could have accomplished this goal better in a different way - we have so many ways to improve, it was a big challenge for the entire team, we worked overtime, had obstacles until the very end and…’
‘But the job was done, right?’
-’Yes, it was done in the end, but like I said, we could have done it easier, faster and better if…’
‘Absolutely! Totally agree with you, but you did do the job - well done!’
-’Thank you, but it took a big toll on everyone and nearly lost us a client…’
‘I understand what you mean, but you should really keep a more positive outlook and focus on the good things. After all, you don’t want to be so negative about everything…’
…
Have you ever heard a conversation going in this direction? That conversation where it feels like two people are talking in a different language?
I have. Many times, in slightly different ways and circumstances, but this is a clear example of toxic positivity. It has creeped in everywhere, and you have probably been in a situation where you you were either on the giving or receiving end of it.
In this blog I will shed light on toxic positivity by raising awareness and offering actionable insights on how to navigate it!
What is Toxic Positivity and How is it Different than Optimism?
It is important to distinguish what is toxic positivity and what sets it apart from optimism. Toxic positivity is a dysfunctional emotional management where one person dismisses another person’s opinion, emotion, insight or feedback, without full acknowledgment; usually branding it as ‘negative’ and instead suggesting a positive opinion or emotion as a solution.
The main difference to optimism is the lack of understanding and acknowledgment. Shutting down what one person is trying to vocalize and forcing a solution that is labeled as ‘positive’ is the main trait of toxic positivity.
There are many ways toxic positivity shows up in a workplace (and life in general!) that are essential we recognize in ourselves and others. Here are some ways toxic positivity can manifest itself:
Emotional repression. Toxic positivity pressures individuals to hide their own negative emotions and put on a facade of constant happiness, driving all emotions to be internalized.
Lack of empathy and compassion. Dismissing feedback and opinions due to forcing a positive mindset in the work environment.
Avoidance of difficult conversations. Critical issues, conflicts, or feedback are avoided or glossed over with positivity, preventing meaningful discussions, solutions and growth.
Dismissal of negative feedback. Minimizing or ignoring employees' negative feedback encourages lack of trust, empathy and compassion, additionally hindering professional growth and impacting the team atmosphere.
Encouraging constant positivity without acknowledging legitimate challenges or issues. Acknowledging reality is a healthy part of any company and organization.
Email and social media bombing. Constantly posting or sharing positive news, insight and motivation, forcing individuals to be immersed in a ‘positive bubble’.
Where does this all come from? How did we as a society embrace all this positivity and start dismissing difficult emotions or feedback? Especially in a work environment where things should be looked at realistically, without much sugar coating…
From my experience, I have seen several factors that have contributed to the spread of toxic positivity. The main one being that people have forgotten how to listen to each other and lack emotional intelligence and capacity to handle negative emotions, feedback and opinions. There is a worldwide social tendency to be optimistic where negativity, in any form is branded as bad, instead of it being understood as another part of being human. It is an unavoidable part of communication. Additionally, unrealistic ideals are placed on people by social media. According to a GWI (a market research company), the average social media user spends 2h 32 min on social media per day where you see filtered and idealized lives of happy people, as well as lots of positive quotes, pictures, interviews etc. This can feel as social pressure to behave in a similar way. Lastly, some cultural, spiritual and religious belief systems play a role in spreading toxic positivity. In these circles, one should be grateful, repress negativity and focus on positivity. While there is nothing wrong with being grateful, there is a fine line between gratitude and ignorance or repression.
Usually, there is a blend of all the above which creates a tendency for toxic positivity in an environment. That is why raising awareness and noticing the signs of toxic positivity is of utmost importance in preventing this behavior in a work place.
“Toxic positivity is the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset no matter how dire or difficult a situation is and rejecting all difficult emotions.”
Impact of Toxic Positivity
Often unnnoticed, toxic positivity can slowly wreck havoc in an organization. You have to realize that any organization is made from employees of various profiles, working together and that some of the things I mentioned above can cause damage to the integral structure of it. What is worse, due to the lack of awareness, individuals will often remain engaged in toxic positivity unnoticed. Here are some consequences of toxic positivity in your workplace that you should look out for:
Feelings of shame and inadequacy. Dismissing a person and branding them as ‘negative’ makes one feel ashamed for being ‘negative’ in an environment where positivity is forced and/or encouraged.
Reduction of self-esteem and self-confidence. Not being able to give feedback and assert yourself can cause self-esteem and self-confidence to decline.
Distrust among employees. Sharing feedback and not receiving acknowledgement or understanding increases distrust among coworkers.
Decreased workplace productivity and motivation. Due to a lack of trust, motivation and productivity start suffering.
Increased stress. Creating an environment where one has to maintain a positive facade and where there is a lack of motivation and trust, increases stress levels.
Increased burnout. Prolonged periods of stress result in eventual burnout, negatively impacting mental health and wellbeing.
Like a silent disease, toxic positivity can become a realistic problem that needs to be discovered, addressed and fixed - the sooner the better. To this day, it is astounding to me how many people, colleagues and clients I have seen on both sides. Some serving up toxic positivity because they cannot handle negative feedback or emotions, as well as those being on the other end of toxic positivity, despite only wanting to be heard and acknowledged.
So, what can we actually do about toxic positivity in a workplace? What kind of action is necessary?
How to Combat Toxic Positivity in 4 Steps!
No matter if you are the source of toxic positivity or at the receiving end, everyone can do their part in combating this type of dysfunctional emotional management. With that being said, communication goes both ways. When it comes to toxic positivity in a workplace, you can be either an initiator, receiver or witness. And there are steps you can take if you find yourself in each situation!
INITIATOR. Are you the one initiating toxic positivity? Have you found yourself shutting down others thinking you are helping them? There are steps you can take to correct this behaviour, and foster growth and understanding in your workplace. Here are exact steps I recommend my clients to take when someone is sending negative feedback your way - without serving up toxic positivity to others!
Listen Carefully: Take time to listen. Practice active listening, do not interrupt and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Clarify The Message: You might not understand the purpose of the conversation and that is ok - ask additional questions to gain more information and clarity.
Validation and Understanding: Validate facts, feedback and emotions, both for oneself and others, but only once you do feel like you understand the message.
Balance Your Positivity with Actionable Suggestions: Practice ‘realistic optimism’ as a healthier alternative. Acknowledge the shortcomings and be open to a conversation on improvement or how you can be of assistance in the future
RECEIVER. Have your feedback, insight or emotions been dismissed or falsely acussed as being ‘negative’? You are not alone! Try these simple steps, which I highly recommend to my clients, when you are the victim of toxic positivity in your workplace.
Open Conversations at Appropriate Time and Place: Set a time and place when you can be in private, in a work environment and no distractions can interfere.
Make the Message Clear: What is the purpose of your feedback? Do you want the organization to improve and learn from the shortcomings? Do you want to raise awareness about an issue? Do you just want to vent? A good colleague or manager should listen to all of the above, if you make your message clear!
When You Are Interrupted: Stress the importance of feedback and communication for growth and understanding in the work environment, as well as fostering a team culture.
When Given a ‘Positive’ Suggestion: Draw a healthy boundary by clarifying your intention and asserting your message. Refrain from engaging in an argument and offer realistic solutions, focusing on ‘realistic optimism’.
WITNESS. You may see this conversation unfolding in your workplace - especially if the time and space of the conversation is not private. What should you do? Here are my suggestions for those who witness toxic positivity and how they can contribute to a healthier work environment.
Listen First, Talk Second: Try to see the wider picture of the conversation, and discover the message trying to be communicated. Refrain from immediately jumping in, until you see the situation heading towards the way of toxic positivity and you know you can help.
Act As a Mediator: If you choose to step in, be clear you are stepping in as a mediator. Do not take sides, make your purpose clear and stay objective, trying to help get the message across.
Validate and Communicate. Encourage an open conversation and make the flow of communication easier for all sides by calming the situation and asking questions, when necessary.
Share Your Opinion: Give your insight on the situation in an assertive way, even calling out toxic positivity if necessary, but always with the aim of finding resolution and compromise. Respect your coworkers
As you can see, we can all take part in doing these 4 simple steps to eradicate toxic positivity in our workplace!
“Realistic optimism is the ability to balance out negative and positive things in situations, circumstances and people. It is the courage to explore opportunities, with the belief that the future will be better than the past”
Leading by Example
Not all toxic positivity happens on purpose. Sometimes colleagues, managers, friends and family think that uplifting and positivity is genuinely the best solution, masking their own insecurities and projecting them onto you. Self-reflection is a key component in discovering and combating toxic positivity.
It is important to build professional resilience by embracing both positive and negative emotions and having an open pathway to communication. The best way to do so in a workspace is leading by example. Coaches, executives and managers can model healthy emotional practices and demonstrate resilience, openness, understanding and prioritize growth. Fostering realistic positivity, where you focus on a good outlook but are aware of shortcomings is invaluable when creating a healthy work environment.
To create a healthy working environment without toxic positivity, we all need to play a part. I encourage you to reflect on your own experiences with toxic positivity and to share your thoughts in the comments!
Sometimes all it takes is one person to recognize signs of toxic positivity and spark the much necessary change in a workplace. And that can be you.
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At Ness Coaching, we learn about work-life balance, celebrating success, motivation and taking time to realize your worth and value in all of the Coaching Programs like The Game Changer: Unlocking Your Dream Career, Talk the Talk: Impressing With Your Words and Presence, It’s all About Balance:Mastering the Art of Work-Life Balance and Lead by Example: The Ultimate Leadership Coaching Program!
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