How to Say ‘No’ Without Burning Any Bridges
‘‘The customer is always right’’
‘‘Looking for a candidate with a can-do attitude’’
‘‘We are a YES company’’
‘‘Our motto is to never say NO’’
How many times have you encountered statements like these and dismissed them by thinking it is just a regular cliche in the professional world? Too many times most likely.
In a world where saying yes is often encouraged, learning how to say ‘no’ can be a valuable skill in both personal and professional settings. However, many people struggle with setting boundaries and saying ‘no’ without feeling guilty or damaging professional relationships. In this blog post, we will explore the power of saying ‘no’ and provide tips on how to do so effectively without burning any bridges. From setting boundaries to asserting yourself confidently, we will delve into the importance of prioritizing your own needs and how saying ‘no’ can lead to more fulfilling and respectful relationships.
Understanding the Importance of Saying 'No'
Saying 'no' is not just about asserting your boundaries; it's also about respecting your own needs and priorities. Constantly saying yes to others can lead to feelings of resentment, overwhelm, and exhaustion. By learning to say 'no' when necessary, you can prioritize your well-being and create healthier relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. One important overlooked aspect is that people who know when to say no, and know how to say it with respect and in a professional manner, are often more respected among peers and in a professional seeting. Your capability to respect your own bounderies and therefore respect yourself, also demands others respect you as well. This is an important part of branding your professional image and asserting yourself in your workplace.
“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.”
Challenges of Saying 'No'
Saying the word no can be a challenge and for numerous reasons. One of the best way to master the art of saying no is to determine what is the reason behind your saying no. If you look at the list below you will find some most common reasons people struggle to say 'no' like fear of disappointing or upsetting others. Keep in mind these are all reasons you would use in a workplace.
Fear. Probably the most common reason is fear. Fear of rejection from colleagues, fear of being fired, fear of a bad evaluation and so on. Fearing saying ‘no’ basically means you are afraid of the consequence you will have after you assert yourself and say ‘no’ to something you would rather not do. The causes of fear can be multiple at times and quite diverse, depending on your wokplace and company.
Discomfort. It is not comfortable saying ‘no’, especially if you are doing it for the first time. It makes you squirmy and can then alter the relationship you had with whoever is requesting something of you. Yes, it is not comfortable to do something new, but progress never comes from staying in your comfort zone.
People-pleasing. If you are used to making people happy and saying ‘yes’ is one more way of doing that, this might be a habit that will need to be broken. Sooner, rather than later, because you can not go through your professional (and personal!) life saying ‘yes’, while you may want to say ‘no’. This is a typical example of being passive and not putting yourself as a priority, which will lead to lack of respect, boundaries and even burn-out overtime.
Guilt. If you feel you are feeling guilty, you will need to dig deeper and see why you are feeling guilt and not one of the above. Usually there are two reasons for saying ‘yes’ out of guilt. The first is that this is a description of your work responsibilities and you feel guilty for saying ‘no’ because you knew it should be done, but you don’t want to do it. This is why it is so important to read your employment contract and be 100% aware of WHAT is your duty. The second reason is that you are being manipulated to do something on account of being a team-player, exceptional employee, team leader etc. Needless to say, the second reason is a result of a toxic workplace where your saying ‘no’ is equalized to being a bad person. Let’s make it loud and clear: Saying ‘no’ is not a personal attack on anyone and does not make you a bad person.
It is essential to recognize that saying 'no' is not a personal rejection but a necessary act of self-care. It also displays that you are mature and professional enough to assert yourself, draw healthy boundaries and show your true feelings. If anything, it’s an act of confidence and courage.
Most likely you think saying ‘no’ will create some sort of conflict. In a healthy working environment, saying ‘no’ the right way will never be taken as a cause for creating friction or conflict. In fact, avoiding conflict or discomfort in the short term may lead to long-term consequences, such as feeling overwhelmed or being taken advantage of by others. What you need to learn is the correct way of saying no, without burning any bridges along the way.
You think it’s not possible? Yes, it is. Read on to learn how to say ‘no’ successfully, assert yourself and earn respect in your workplace.
5 Tips for Saying 'No' Without Burning Any Bridges!
Like in the case of most things, it is not what you say that is important, it is how you say it. The way you say ‘no’ can make a difference between showing you boundaries and destroying a professional relationship. Taking into account the person who is asking you and showing respect towards them will also help you set clear boundaries and allow you to be treated respectfully in return.
The way we all do things matters. Here are some guidelines on how to correctly assert yourself and relay what you mean without burning and bridges. Keep in mind that while in general, a ‘no’ can be a full sentence when it comes to inappropriate questions (more on that later!), generally, in a workplace we do want to consider the other person and give a broader answer.
Here is how to do it in 5 simple steps:
Start with acknowledgement and gratitude. The best way to start any rejection is to acknowledge the other person and their question or request. The way you can do this is either with gratitude, meaning you will thank the person for reaching out to you, offering you this opportunity or asking you a question. You do not need to feel grateful to say it, this is a matter of showing respect to the other person, but it is also a very good way of subtly reminding both you and the other person that this is a question or request that can have a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ answer. Acknowledging by simply saying ‘I understand you are asking X, thank you for reaching out…’ is all you need. By doing this you are separating the request from you and the person who you are interacting with. You are removing the personal association and placing the request or question as a third party, so it can be viewed objectively.
Communicate assertively and respectfully. This is a given, you need to be respectful. You cannot ask for respect if you do not give it. To communiate assertively, use clear ‘I’ statements to express your needs and limitations. Never accuse the other person of place guilt on them. You want to assertive and state your feelings assertively. This means takinhg ownership and power of saying ‘I cannot do X’. To make it easier you can add ‘unfortunately’ or ‘sadly’ and instead of cannot ‘I would have to decline'. You can make it softer
Give your reasons - short and sweet. You want to be concise and not go into too many details. You should not need to explain too much if you know exactly why you cannot do something. Usually it’s a matter of just having courage to frame it. Honesty is key here. If you are doing your job diligently and there is a logical reason why something cannot be done, just say it. Of course, if you feel lazy because today is not the day, that is not a very good reason. What is a good reason? Whatever is rational and realistically prevents you from doing what you are asked. If it is out of your power, working hours, work description, that is what you need to state. Do not apologize. You can be sorry for the request not being in your work description, but you cannot be apologetic for saying ‘no’.
Provide alternatives or compromises. When turning down a request, provide an alternative or a compromise. showing that you value the relationship and are willing to find a solution that works for both parties. Use terms like ‘happily’ or ‘gladly’ as you want to end on a positive note and this is the finishing line of your saying ‘no’. You want to offer something and show that if these conditions were met, you would potentially say ‘yes’. This can be notification in advance, putting aside other tasks to prioritize the one requested, additional pay for overtime hours, adjustment of your work contract and so on. Make sure you are not blaming the person for not doing this in the first place. Assertively, stating with ‘I’ explain how they could turn your ‘no’ into a ‘yes’. Never start with ‘If YOU did X, Y and Z I would have said yes’. Rather ‘I would gladly do that next time, I would need X, Y and Z’.
Follow up. You don’t need to do this directly, but do follow up on the request and see what kind of solution was figured out. It is important for a few reasons - firstly, if you had a really good relationship with the person placing the request, you want to keep a communication flow and a professional relationship going then you will follow up directly. This will show empathy, respect, dedication and caring. Sometimes, even an email asking how a situation was resolved can mean a lot and show your motivation. Secondly, in case a direct follow up not necessary, find out for yourself how this situation was resolved. It will show you a lot about the person who placed the request as well as the company culture.
Following these 5 simple rules will not only help you say ‘no’ in a professional manner, but will also help you build confidence, self-respect and self-worth. Think of this as another step in gaining a valuable skill where you will learn how to assert yourself properly in a workplace - in fact it is a very valuable leadership skill, whitout which you will definitely not be able to advance in the workplace. In many cases, professionals who knew how to say ‘no’ got promotions faster than those who always said ‘yes’. Saying ‘no’ takes skill and managers do know this. The way you express your ‘no’ can distinguish you from others and show higher interpersonal skills.
BONUS: When saying ‘no’ is a full sentence.
There are cases when ‘no’ is a full sentence, even in a professional setting. If you are asked to do something illegal, setup someone for failure or are being harrased, this is when NO is a powerful sentence. If you are ever in a compromising situation, this is the time to report this to your manager, HR and even legal authorities. Do not be afraid to escalate something that is a serious cause for concern. Chances are someone else will be in your place later too, and there is no better time to stop harrasment or illegal activities than now.
“Saying NO is an art. Master it.”
In conclusion, learning to say 'no' is a powerful leadership skill that can be achieved with will and practice. Always remember that by prioritizing your needs, setting boundaries, and communicating effectively, you can say 'no' without burning any bridges.
Embrace the power of 'no' as a tool for self-care and personal growth, and remember that it's okay to prioritize your own needs and values. Say 'no' with confidence, knowing that when done in the right way you will gain a valuable skill, assert yourself correctly in your workplace and demonstrate respect and self-worth.
At Ness Coaching, we learn setting healthy boundaries and saying ‘no’ as a part of Coaching Programs like The Game Changer: Unlocking Your Dream Career, Talk the Talk: Impressing With Your Words and Presence, It’s all About Balance:Mastering the Art of Work-Life Balance and Lead by Example: The Ultimate Leadership Coaching Program!
Put an emphasize on being assertive, comanding respect and embracing honesty. Ness Coaching is here for you with tailored one-on-one Coaching Programs that will guide you every step of the way!
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